forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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