He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize