Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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