So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
