There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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