I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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