I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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