Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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