So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
