pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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