There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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