He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
