i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
