Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
