cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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