If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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