Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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