Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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