I think i sorta joined a cult last night
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Two words: blizzard sex
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
