I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
