i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
