I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
