great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
