I smell stomach acid.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
