i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
