what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
