I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
