i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
