fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
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Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
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You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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