Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
