So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
