i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You pole danced in your parka.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
