In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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