Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
