he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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