handjob tips. give me some.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
