I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
