She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
