no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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