I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
tell me about the eggs
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
