That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
