dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
