how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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