I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
