broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
