sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
