I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
