Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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