I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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