would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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