My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
