3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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