If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
