I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
