you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
