writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's official drugs can't kill me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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