The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
