I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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