you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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