so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
