Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
