if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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