First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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