So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
