Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
