He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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