doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
