my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
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I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
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I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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