Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
