Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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