ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
