Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
