cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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